Things Team Thirteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do
by xXRemnantOfChaosXx
Summary: List of things my OC team is no longer allow to do. R&R, if you don't like, don't read! Kai, Trini, & Sasha The members of Team Thirteen! Jounin Sazuki Miyazaki
1. Cats, Fake Scrolls, & Porn industry

Kai: This is a list involving my OC team for Naruto.

Disclaimer: Sharingan is red, Kai's Taishogan is blue, they no own, so you no sue!

**Things Team Thirteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do**

**(Rules 1-30)**

1. Team Thirteen is no longer allowed to go on missions involving cats. Just because you're curious & want to know if cats will always land on their feet, is no reason to drop them of the Hokage monument, Sasha. Kaia, Trinity, stop incouraging her. And Sazuki, your name is now down as one of the four jounin instructors who've managed to fail a D-rank mission. _Ever_. In the _history of Konoha_.

2. No, Kaia, it is not funny to execute an attack on the ANBU Headquarters with paintballs.

3. Nor is it funny to execute an attack on the _Intelligence_ Headquarters. Sazuki, your genin should not know where either of these headquarters are, so stop telling them classified information. _Please_.

4. Whichever one of you stole all of Lady Tsunade's sake _and_ her private stash, congratulations on your stealth skills. Now give it all back, she's bitchy enough as it is.

5. Miyazaki Sazuki is not allowed to take another genin team. _EVER_.

6. All establishments in Konoha are hereby banned from giving or selling _ANY_ alchohol to Team Thirteen, _including_ Miyazaki Sazuki.

7. Kaia, please stop using the Sexy justu on diplomates & dignitaries from other villages. It is not funny in any way, shape, or form.

8. The same goes for the other members of Team Thirteen, as well.

9. Screaming "AHHH, THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING" will not endear you to the ANBU population. _Especially_ if you sound convincing.

10. The Hyuuga Clan does not collectively have a stick that needs to be removed from certain places. Nor do they appreciate graffiti plastered over their homes informing them of such.

11. Flirting with the police will _not_ get them to remove the handcuffs.

12. Trinity, do not set Rock Lee on fire just so you "can see his flames of youth more clearly". Even if he things this is a good idea. _Especially_ if he think this is a good idea.

13. Team Thirteen is banned from associating with Mitarashi Anko.

14. Whoever stole Hatake Kakashi's underwear to sell on the black market, give it back to him. He already has a horde of fangirls, he doesn't need anymore.

15. If any of you find summoning scrolls only mentioned in ancient legends, involving some sort of "savior", the "protection of mankind" and "big, out-of-control flying lizards that breathe fire and destroy any buildings within a five mile radius of where they were summoned," don't sign them. Even if the creepy old man you bought it off tells you it's a good idea.

16. You do not have the authority to declare war on any nation, even if their genin teams are annoying brats. _You_ are annoying brats & they don't try to declare war on you.

17. Sasha is banned from making, buying, touching and coming within ten metres of any explosive device. We _needed_ that building.

18. Hengeing into the opposite gender and trying to seduce the jounin from Suna is not a good plan. Even if they fall for it. Sazuki, what is with your team and transvestite tendencies?

19. The same goes for the opposite gender and anyone from any other village, ever, banned. _NO MORE_.

20. 'Hunky Jounin' is not a good name for a magazine. The aforementioned 'Hunky Jounin' do not appreciate having their photos plastered everywhere, _especially_ not when they have been 'edited'. Kaia, you aren't funny.

21. Sending unsuspecting academy students on a twenty mile 'fun run' is not funny either. Especially not when you've set up traps all along the course.

22. One Jiraiya is more than enough. Stop trying to emulate him.

23. Farmyard animals are not meant to be used in that way. For the sake of our minds, get them _out_.

24. Sasha, stop addressing the Hokage as your "Slutty mistress". Especially when you're in front of clients. We've already got one complaint of pedophilia in.

25. Painting on fake wounds and pretending to die on the Mission Room floor endears you to no one. Especially not the person who has to mop up the fake blood.

26. You are not mutations aimed at destroying the race of humans, created in Orochimaru's lab. Stop telling people you are.

27. Whoever thought it would be funny to send in porn disguised as mission reports, it wasn't. It's hard enough to get the Intelligence officers to do work without you doing that.

28. Same goes for the tapes. Sazuki, why are your students trying to create a porn industry?

29. Trinity, you are not allowed to cheer Anko on when she has 'crazy bitch fights in the mud' with Kurenai. We don't care if the jounins were cheering with you.

30. Signing official documents as Princess Yuki is not fooling anyone, Sasha.


	2. AIDs, Secret Society, & Sailor Moon

Kai: Chapter 2 up & running in the same day. The list grows longer, the more we do stupid things. I got the idea from H.E. Gray.

Disclaimer: Naruto's chakra is blue, Kyuubi's chakra is red, they still no own so you still can't sue! Yatta!

Kai: Submit suggetions & I'll use them!

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**Things Team Thirteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do**

**(Rules 1-30)**

31. The toaster does not have AIDs. Stop telling people it does.

32. Demonic rituals are prohibited in Konoha. Besides that, what do you really think dancing around a bonfire naked is going to do? Don't answer that, Kaia.

33. Your pet squirrel does not outrank the Hokage, and is not entitled to alter your mission orders. Don't even go there.

34. We don't know why, at the age of twenty, Sazuki, you are still incapable of cooking yourself a meal. Nor are we interested. Just know that you are banned from the jounin kitchens_ forever_.

35. The Aburame are not possessed by their bugs, nor are they planning an evil mutant insect takeover of Konoha, Sasha.

36. Making 'wanted' posters of your superiors is not acceptable behaviour. Especially not when you show them to gullible academy students and Lee.

37. Training Ground 48 is not intended to be used for drunken raves. Stop using it that way.

38. The same applies to all other training grounds.

39. _And_ the ANBU Headquarters.

40. Plastering incriminating photos of certain jounin's sexual exploits does mean they will retaliate. And we didn't want to see that much of Asuma anyway. Kakashi on the other hand...

41. Teaching academy students crude insults in Intelligence hand signals while pretending they are potentially useful phrases is not witty. Especially not when it results in a student telling the Hyuuga clan head to do certain things which aren't anatomically possible. Sazuki, your students shouldn't know the Intelligence hand signals.

42. Getting the ANBU tattoo does not mean you are automatically a part of ANBU. And we can tell that that one's fake.

43. We know Genma is a slut. This doesn't mean you have to encourage him.

44. Just because you don't like a client doesn't mean you can hang him from the Hokage Tower by his feet. That's _another_ D-class failed. And you wonder why we don't give you better missions?

45. Summoning scrolls are not to be used in that way ever again.

46. You are not part of a secret society planning to assassinate all Kages and form one united ninja country. Nor does initiation into this society involve excessive amounts of alcohol (which you aren't allowed to buy anyway – refer to rule 6).

47. Please return the scroll on forbidden jutsus.

48. You are no longer allowed to sing crude sex songs while on guard duty, Sasha – on second thoughts, none of Team Thirteen are allowed to sing at all while on duty.

49. You are not authorised to issue 'SSS-class missions' sending jounin to Snow Country to 'check if there's still snow'.

50. You are not authorised to issue missions.

51. Releasing cats into the Inuzuka compound at one o'clock in the morning - or at any time for that matter - is banned.

52. As is releasing dogs into the Nekoyama compound. Even if it was to get back at Trinity.

53. "If you get to jounin, you get to assassinate little kids!" is not the appropriate way to motivate academy students.

54. We don't want to know what you and Kuroneko Nekoyama did with a staff, two bottles of alcohol and a boxful of mice, Sasha.

55. Your forehead protector should not be pink and plastic.

56. The final part of the chuunin exam is not an "oral examination" and you should not try to exploit the naivety of younger genins by having 'practice sessions'.

57. Shouting out "Let's kill the bastards!" in the middle of a diplomatic mission is not a smart thing to do, Kaia. Not even if you then try to justify it by saying you were talking about the spiders.

58. Inflatable farmyard animals are no longer allowed in the Hokage tower, ANBU headquarters, Intelligence headquarters or the police station.

59. Nor are real farmyard animals. (See also: Rule 22)

60. None of you are Sailor Moon.


	3. Sharingan, Reports, & Genjutsu Cheating

Kai: Chapter three right after chapter two. Damn I'm good.

Disclaimer: Kai's eyes are red, Trini's eyes are blue, they still no own, so you still can't sue hah!

**Things Team Thirteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do**

**(Rules 61-90)**

61. The Sharingan's ultimate weakness is _not_ porn, and Sasuke will not fall dead if you keep on sending him the Icha Icha books, though he might fall unconscious from a nose bleed. We don't know how you got the Kumo nin to believe that, but we would advise you disillusion them _rapidly_.

62. Katon jutsus are not meant to be used to light cigarettes.

63. Stop leaving notes on Kazuhiro's desk, telling him to "follow the white rabbit". He now seems convinced he's in the Matrix. _This is not a good thing_.

64. Your "Sexy Dance" is not appropriate while on duty, Trinity. Even if you've got a theme tune.

65. You are not allowed to bet on yourselves in the Chuunin Exams – and _especially_ not when those bets consist of 'will fail spectacularly in the first exam'.

66. Stop trying to insert photos of yourselves into the naked shinobi calender. You're underage and we like to think most of us aren't pedophiles.

67. Anko and Kakashi should _not_ make "little prodigy babies". Stop suggesting it to the Elders. They seem to take you seriously.

68. The Mizukage does not want to make you his sex-slaves. Couldn't you come up with a more realistic reason for not wanting to be sent on the escort mission to Mist? Sazuki, you should teach your team to lie better - on second thoughts, forget we _ever_ wrote that.

69. Uchiha Sasuke is not the reincarnation of Dracula, however "freaky" you find his eyes.

70. Seriously, stop picking on Sasuke. He may only be twelve, but he still outranks you. You are _not_ allowed to haze your superiors.

71. _Even_ if they turn really funny colours.

72. You _deserved_ to get stuck in that genjutsu, Sasha.

73. Sleeping with one of the academy teachers does _not_ win you an automatic promotion to chuunin. Stop telling the new genin that it does.

74. Mission reports should _not_ refer to Miyazaki Sazuki as "our sex-goddess of a jounin-sensei" for the sake of whatever remaining sanity our Intelligence officers have.

75. Art is _not_ a "bang". Stop trying to blow up Konoha's Art Museum.

76. If you are going to graffiti sexually explicit images of Genma and Raido onto the ANBU headquarters lockers, Sasha, it would help if your drawing skills extended further than stick figures.

77. Stripping is not an acceptable battle tactic.

78. _Even_ if it worked.

79. There is not a 'designated senbon target', and if there was, it wouldn't be Kakashi. Stop setting academy students on him.

80. Kaia, you will never be as cool as Kakashi.

81. You should not know the name of the Head of ANBU, but should you ever come into this knowledge you are _not_ allowed to spraypaint "Haha, your security sux, -_name censored_-! We totally found out your name! ANBU failz at life! LOLZ" on the HQ doors.

82. Put the kitten down Sazuki.

83. Please stop accusing the Fire Daimyo of being an imposter where ANBU can hear you. He's getting fed up of being thrown into the holding cells.

84. You are not allowed to go on strike.

85. While we recognise the fact that you are collectively a group of idiots, this does not qualify you to write "An Idiot's Guide to Ninja-ing". Do you know how many civilians have blown themselves up in the past week because of you?

86. Next time you try to scale the Hokage's Tower, we won't rescue you. _Or_ disable any of the traps.

87. ...Why is the Mizukage trying to buy you, Sasha?

88. Konoha is not a democracy and if it was, _we wouldn't vote for you_.

89. Well, Lee might. But he doesn't count.

90. While we understand that cheating is a typical ninja sport, playing fair is for samurai, etc, etc, you are not allowed to have your teammates hidden beneath a genjutsu aiding you in one-on-one fights. _Stop trying it_.


	4. Glomping, Lyrics, & Escort missions

Kai: Chapter four! Sweet!

Trini: Yay!

Sasha: Awesome!

Disclaimer: We still don't own it, so you still can't sue us.

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**Things Team Thirteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do**

**(Rules 91-120)**

91. You are no longer allowed to glomp the Godaime Kazekage, Kaia. He's paranoid enough as it is.

92. The same goes for all the kages.

93. _And_ any diplomates or dignitaries.

94. Stop telling Uzumaki Naruto that enemy ninja are trying to steal all the ramen in the village. It's not funny when he mows down twenty people in his rush to save his precious ramen.

95. Also stop telling him that Sasuke has been chosen as the next Hokage. It's not funny in any way, shape, or form.

96. Whichever one of you decided to graffiti all over the Hokage monument, it wasn't funny. Nor was the fact that you wrote 'Lady Tsunade's boobs are fake' on Yondaime's face. She would like it to be known that they are, in fact, real.

97. Stop stalking Morino Ibiki and asking him if his mom was a piece of swiss cheese.

98. Team Thirteen is no longer allowed on missions involving scrolls. We _needed_ that scroll.

99. Stop telling the academy students that to become a genin, they have to go on an S-class mission. We don't need anymore students having mental breakdowns.

100. The Hyuuga Clan does not appreciate being paintballed as they leave their compound.

101. Nor do they appreciate you dying their robes bright neon pink.

102. You are _not_ rogue ninja from the hidden Sound. Stop telling people that you are.

103. Nor are you members of the Akatsuki.

104. It is not funny to steal the Kazekage's gourd and hold it for ransom.

105. Nor is it funny to return it covered in the lyrics of the song 'Mr. Sandman'.

106. Stop stealing Kakashi's summoning scrolls and replacing them with yaoi. He's already perverted, we don't need him gay too.

107. Stop trying to corrupt Konohamaru and his friends.

108. Please stop sending yaoi disguised as mission reports.

109. Just because you can't use yaoi, doesn't mean you can use yuri instead.

110. Whomever decided to draw an explicit and _very_ detailed yaoi scene involving Kakashi & Iruka on the side of the academy, don't do it again. We don't need you scarring the minds of the students anymore.

111. _Nor_ should they be drawn on the Hokage tower, the Hokage monument, the intellgence headquarters, the ANBU headquarters, the police station, the Hyuuga compound, the Uchiha compound, or any other building in the village.

112. That _also_ applies to drawing yuri of Anko & Kurenai. We know it's you doing it Kaia, so stop. Trinity, Sasha, stop incouraging her. Sazuki, why can't you control your students?

113. Miyazaki Sazuki is the first and _last_ ANBU to be given a genin team.

114. Lady Tsunade would like it to be known that the next time someone steals Tonton & holds him for ransom, she is going to 'teach' the person responsible & their team survival by throwing them into the Forest of Death for one month with no supplies except for what they have on them.

115. Stop trying to sell Sasuke on the black market.

116. Kaia, stop using your summonings to wreak havoc upon the village. Trinity, Sasha, that goes for you as well.

117. The Jounin exam does _not_ involve spiking the Hokage's drink, stop telling the new chuunin that it does.

118. How _exactly_ did you three get Zabuza Momochi's sword? I guess you can keep it as long as you don't destroy anything of value with it.

119. Stop incouraging Naruto to read Icha Icha Paradise. We already have enough perverts in the village as it is.

120. Team Thirteen is no longer to go on escort missions to the hidden Cloud. We got a letter from the Raikage saying that you apparently blew up the hidden Cloud's ANBU headquarters. How _exactly_ did that happen in the first place? Don't answer that.


	5. Important Authoress's Note

Author's note...

Kai: What up? I would like to point out that chapters one through three were taken from H.E. Gray's story: Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do. So Rules 1-90 belong to H.E. Gray. Not me. I apolgize & give full credit to H.E. Gray. However everthing after #90 belongs to me.

Trini: Yeah, we're very sorry & want you to know this is the first & last time this with happen.

Sasha: We also want you to know that we are writing a story to go with this one called: The RaNdOm Misadventures Of Team Thirteen.

All: Again we're very sorry & it will never happen again.

Ja ne! Kaia Kaze Hikaru, Trinity Tora Nekoyama, & Sasha Karin Miyuki, the members of Team Thirteen. Jounin instructor Sazuki Miyazaki


	6. Forest of Death, Blackmail, & Dating

Kai: Chapter Five! Woot!

Disclaimer: I only own the rules after 90. The rules 1 thru 90 belong to H.E. Gray. Well most of them, I changed a few up completely.

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**Things Team Thirteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do**

**(Rules 121-150)**

121. Stop hanging out in the Forest of Death. This is the fourth time you've entered & left open the gate, thus allowing the tigers within it to escape. The last three times we let slide, but this time someone nearly got eaten. So stop.

122. No, Kaia, it is not funny in any way, shape, or form to convince the innocent academy students to moon their superiors.

123. _Nor_ is it funny to convince them to pull down the pants of their superiors while in public.

124. Whoever hacked into the ANBU computers and changed the password, congrulations, _now change it back_.

125. Who's idea was it to upload yaoi onto the ANBU computers? It was _not_ appreciated in any way.

126. Whoever changed the lock on the Interrogation headquarters, haha very funny, _now change them back_.

127. Just because you don't like the Kazekage's older brother and his perverted tendencies, does not give you the authority to steal his puppets, string him up by his ankles, and hang him from the Hokage tower. _Even_ if the Kazekage & his older sister enjoyed it.

128. Nor does it give you the authority to doodle on his puppets and his face.

129. Just because you three live next door to the Hyuuga Clan, does not mean you can blare heavy metal music at two o'clock in the morning.

130. Sasha, we would appreciate it if you would stop blowing things up with your paper bombs. _Especially_ when the building you blow up is part of the academy.

131. Whomever got Lee drunk, it was not appreciated.

132. Sasha, stop trying to resurrect Yondaime. You are _not_ a necromancer, contrary to your beliefs. Kaia, Trinity, stop incouraging her.

133. Kaia, stop spiking Naruto's ramen. He's bad enough hyper, we don't need him drunk too.

134. How _exactly_ did you get all that blackmail on the ANBU?

135. _And_ on the Hokage, Jiraiya, Morino Ibiki, Mitarashi Anko, Hatake Kakashi, Hyuuga Hiashi, the ANBU black ops, the Kazekage, Orochimaru, _and_ the Akatsuki?

136. Stop betting against the Hokage, you know how she is at gambling.

137. What ever _possessed_ you to teach Konohamaru and his friends 'The Song that NEVER ends'?

138. Squirrels are _not_ plotting to take over the village, so stop telling the academy students that they are.

139. It would be greatly appreciated if you would stop changing the password to the ANBU headquarter computers.

140. _And_ uploading both yaoi _and_ yuri to it.

141. Whomever informed Lee that it would be a good idea to give the Kazekage a hug full of Youthfulness, it was not funny in any way, shape, or form. Lee is once again in the hospital recovering.

142. Stop running through the village yelling that the hidden Sound is coming. Too many people have been hospitalized because of it.

143. Stop telling Sasuke that Itachi is in the Hidden Mist. We can't have him running off every five minutes.

144. Trinity, stop stalking Inuzuka Kiba. If you don't he'll file a restraining order against you.

145. Kaia, stop drawing Yaoi on important buldings.

146. The same goes for yuri.

147. Sasha, why exactly are you stalking Hyuuga Neji?

148. Stop trying to corrupt Hyuuga Hinata. Hiashi doesn't appreciate it.

149. The same applies to Hyuuga Hinabi.

150. Lady Tsunade is _not_ dating Jiraiya, so stop implying it.


End file.
